THIS WEEKEND ...

I am going to go to the library this weekend, and see if I can get settled with this new blog. Betty has been kind enough to send me instructions, and I can wait until next week to pester Beth!

Also, I am going to take time to do more in the way of editing. Reading my last entry in "Stars Like Grains ...", I didn't indicate who it was I was talking about, speaking about Tee Jay then switching to Nebraska without changing who was the subject.

I will be speaking at length about her, as facing her is something I have to do. I have unsettled feelings about her, some positive (like still being in love with her), some negative (uh Mark, you know how you feel about the female hegemony in black relations ... and Tee Jay's world is filled with Matriarchal tendencies ... do YOU want to subject yourself to that ..?), and some that fall into a shade of grey.

This was a poorly constructed paragraph. Couldn't STAND to look at the spelling errors! But the 'speaking at length' is a reference to what may lie ahead between me and Nebraska, as I feel that I am close enough to do that, you know? I think I sort of confused them both in the parenthetical, which is prolly reveals more about another 'poorly guarded secret', but I won't deal with THAT until after I go on my scouting trip out west, sometime in February or March. Now, on with the show ...

THE WORKING TITLE

As you can see, there was yet another change to the title. Perhaps I should have taken a poll! Before I discuss what they mean (cause the words still mean a lot to me, that is why they were candidates!) in the near future.

One of the reasons I am as flexible a person in my dealings with people, is because I am comfortable enough with who I am to take back ALL THE WAY something I have either said or done, and go from the blank space and begin anew. And if it is something between me and someone that I love ...

For me not to have taken Nebraska's thoughts about 'Wasteland', then I would not have been me. At first, I was very agitated, and in my email to her, I think I spoke out of that state. And as with most times, writing things done takes them away from the mind. Still, I sent it to her and thought about it some more.

So I apologized.

Looks, in my mind, she sits at a table with Pam Grier, Jill Scott, and Sage Steele! So I had to make sure she knew I was sincerely sorry and that I would change my blog's name. I hope it makes a difference to her. It did to me, and now I can sleep easier! Besides, it wasn't worth it, if it was something I could do to make something more palpable for a friend.

BOXING AND THE SERVICE

I use both my boxing and my time in the service as reference points and metaphors, because I know them pretty good, you know? It isn't that I am a warmonger or super violent, because I am neither. Sun Tzu said, "If not in danger, do not fight."

That was evidenced by Nebraska when we were in Chicago. When that cat ran into 'our airspace', I wasn't sent a 'threat' signal, but an 'danger'. Not to make to fine a point to it, but when she was able (because getting in between me and trouble is a risky proposition) intercede, that said a lot about how I felt about her, internally.

That was when I KNEW that there is more to her as far as being a part of my life. It isn't that I am a violent cat, it is just that I 'do what I do' when I think that the circumstances call for it. Yet I deferred to her judgement ... and she was right.

IS THIS A CONTRADICTION?

I believe in service to the country. I did mine in the Army. I have had people ask me, before and after my service, why I don't care for the police? While I can respect the need and purpose of the police force, there are enough 'other than honorable' alley cats on the beat to make me be sympathetic towards them. I don't think that they have to deal with a world that conforms to any view other than their own. Whatever prejudices they may have held before joining the force, they are allowed to serve with them.

The Armed Forces, there are rules and regulations that says you HAVE to do different things, in spite of what you may think. For real, it is a place where 'your way' doesn't matter as much as 'the Army way', or whatever branch you are in, their way.

Even with 'don't ask, don't tell', there are gay service members, and if they are better soldiers than you, and have higher rank on their shoulders, you are GOING to do what they say. It is a meritocracy, that with all the bumps and bruises that come from culling troops from an open society, works pretty well.

I don't see that in the police force. The 'good ol' boys' isn't a reference to redneck cops setting speed traps on the highways, but for the city thugs like the chumps on the payroll for ex-Mayor Kilpatrick here in Detroit. 'Good Ol' Boys' is a description of an institution fraught with graph and vice. I have the lowest regard for the police. With the numbers of black men caught in the system, and with the violence perpetrated in communities of the poor and minorities by the 'officers of the law', I have enough reasons to be skeptical towards them.

______________________________

What is there to be said for one willing to acknowledge their weakness? I don't really know, as I have grown older, I hear people say how good it is and "yada, yada, yada", but really, what does it mean, to own up to a failing? I don't know ... because you want to try to get it right the first time, yes?

I have known that there was things that I could not do, as soon as I realized that I prolly wasn't going to be a Charlie Scott or a David Thompson, shooting high and arching jumpers on the perimeter of a zone defense. What made me 'know' that is a shoulder shrug answer, cause I don't. Part of what was the grist between me and my ex wife, was her sense of 'infalibility', as she felt as if she were elevated by her circumstance and being female.

I think that is why I have a guilty pleasure in the work of Tyler Perry. Formulaic yes, but it is a new formula he is working with. He humanizes both the male and female side of the relationship, and empowers both to work thru themselves to find the answers to their issues. Ssh! Don't tell anyone! I am supposed to be too deep for that kind of entertainment! Yeah, RIGHT ..!