Mark's Big Monday!

TRIUMPH OF THE WILL

Made appointments with my MD and therapist, who are located in the provincial town that Mookie lives in, and yes, I did HAVE to go over to her place to get mail. Was out of the house @ 5 a.m., got downtown, secured my bike and walked the mile or so to the bus depot.

Did have a chance to pop online at the library, then got on the city bus to get to where I was headed. After my appointments, the debate was, do I really need to go by Mookie's or not? Shoulder shrug, may as well since I am here, because there may be something important in the mail.

Went to her place and got there around 8 pm. Lil' Mook is a freshman in high school, and I gave her two big hugs! I miss her a lot more than I thought. I don't think I will get a shot at 'raising' anyone again, and she was my best shot. Maybe foster care, maybe. But other than that, it looks unlikely if I will get to directly influence the growth of a child.

Mookie and I were cordial, polite. Kept my 'eyes on the road', not digging into her conversation at all. Straight Joe Friday, 'just the facts replies'. Going thru my mail, it was a good thing that I did stop, because the IRS sent some mail that I had requested to her address! Charged my phone, and made small talk about her transition. Seems she will be on the clock until November, then they will shutter her spot for good. As to what we talked about ... it was mainly about nothing, really. Didn't feel like offering my opinion or having any ideas. Short answers, crisp and to the point. She did mention I could sleep on her couch, 'just like ol' times', I said. I didn't though, preferring to hang out at the nearby Meijer's until morning. The next bus back to Detroit wasn't leaving until 9:30 or so the next morning.

She did suggest again that I sleep on the couch and leave in the morning. Rather than try to say something provocative, I told her that I had intended to go and hang at Mejier's, and that I have discovered that when I do what I have planned, I get better results than by varying them on the fly.

Do you wonder what may have been going thru Mookie's mind? I mean, we did talk about her work situation, what her plans were, but nothing in any depth. How many times have women been in such a situation with their ex boyfriends, and let some emotions leak out? I mean, I felt this and that (as if this and that were related), but to be honest, I have been on the OTHER side of this thing more often than not, so all I needed to do was remember the mistakes other's have made with me!

It was good to see Lil' Mook, because I miss her. Didn't feel like anything regarding her Mom, because I didn't feel anything from her, and it wouldn't have made a difference anyway. I knew that this would be our last goodbye, and I didn't want to mess things up. Managing a clean breakup was my goal for this entire ordeal. What was I going to talk to her about? Don't want to her about whatever, didn't want to talk about whatever with her.

FOR FUTURE REFERENCE

I treat my appearance in folks lives sorta like how a vampire needs permission to enter a home. Once you say something that can be taken for a boundary, then I will respect that, without asking for any waivers. She had already said what she needed to say to me when I left back in May. There isn't anything else to be said. When you think about all the 'typical' kinds of things that gets said at a time like this, I wanted to make sure that I didn't make the mistake of saying something I had no intention of backing up.

No mention of 'love' or even if there were any interests. Don't care about whether or not she hangs out. Why would I show HER I care. Had to tell Lil' Mook that I loved and missed her, because it was out of my mouth before I could consider it.

Looks like I have written enough for one day ... but I will pick up off of this scene for my next entry, maybe tomorrow. I have purchased a Sansdisk 4gb stick, so I can make sure that I keep 'Stars ...' as that may be the book Nebraska and I write together!